ladidadidoo

so, this is a whimsical post..

When I was younger, my daddy was my world. My big brother used to terrorize me in the best possible way, but I still didn't get along with him. My dad would always teach me things and keep me away from him. He's the reason I like math, and physics, and action movies, and music. My dad helped me shape who I am today.

As I got older, we sort of parted ways, didn't have as much to talk about. Our main shtick was to gain up on mom with our love of dill pickles, and movies that might contain snakes. When he got sick, I was devestated, confused, and overly unsure. I'm a highly practical kind of girl, and my first question was should I deferr my acceptance at Carleton for a year, just so I could be around. He refused me, dead on. NO, and I'm just feeling like I've been focusing on the bad parts of being at school, and the new year gives me an opportunity to give it another try.

you know those rles I was talkng big about changing? I don't think I had time to think about it with everything going on. I think I've learned how to manage my school work and emotional bggage, so next semseter i might be abe t bring a little bit more to my plate. all those things I meant to do, get involved with the radio station, volunteer for somethings. . . resumes packing, and just trying to meet new people.

so, that and working on my conversational skills are my new years resolutions...

Merry Christmas, What?

Bah Humbug.

This year is almost over, and I'm afraid that it is only the beginning of a lonely, miserable life.

My last post was a rant on my overly emotional mother, and as I type this I am overwhelmed by own personal grief. It's kinda fitting that I haven't written anything frivolous since my last post. A lot has happened, and I don't know if I've taken much of it for good things.

First off, My father passed away, died. November 21st. He got really sick at the beginning of November. His liver had already been failing, but the doctor now said three months. Tops. I had been in university... my first year. Political Science at Carleton. I came home for two weeks, he seemed to be levelling out for the long haul, I was hoping to see him again at Christmas. Suffice to say, I managed to scrape through my finals with a decent GPA. or so far it would seem that way. Still waiting on some exam marks.

Second of all, I am a loser, with no social skills. and I will always live alone, because my way of social communications is to never be unpredictable. Except when I want to scream. then you should probably cover your ears.

Yep, I'm absolutely miserable, and to top it all off... It's christmas.

you could say, that I've got a shit load of resolutions and no bloody inspiration? Who cares if I fall off the side of the earth, and become a bum. Other than my Mother, who I can't stand to think about leaving. She was there for every minute of him suffering, and now she's all alone. She's known my father since she was 16! He was her entire life, and now... Now we're just trying to find a place we can call home.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Really don't care either. Just want to be gross eating junk food watching videos in my p.js. too bad I can't just do that or people will send me to a home.